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A Eulogy for Susan

This coming March 28th, I will experience the end of the first year living without my wife - Susan. A year ago, I could not put three words together to express just how much she meant to me, and what a wonderful person she was. While my emotions continue to over-whelm my ability to speak the words, I recently learned my daughter, Rafferty, will have a baby this coming September, and that prompts me to write a eulogy so that child might know Susan as I do.

You sheltered me from harm

Kept me warm….Kept me warm

You gave my life to me

Set me free….Set me free

The finest years I ever knew

Were all the years I had with you

Susan so wanted to be a grandmother. She put away books, toys, videos, and other things her grandchildren would need and want. She had been so successful as a mother, a wife, and caring person to all who knew her, being a grandmother would have come naturally to her. She was devoted to her friends, and generous with her time for others. She was like a second mother to her three nieces, and when her nieces had children, she was just as proud of them as Susan’s sister – their grandmother.

I only heard her speak ill of one person one time. It was a measured criticism based on facts, and not emotion. It was so out of character for her, I knew she felt it was important for others to know how she felt.

Her degree from CU was in accounting, and she spent many years in the mortgage industry; maybe her thoughtful approach to life and people came from the meticulous and professional work she performed.

And I would give everything I own

Give up my life my heart my home

I would give everything I own

Just to have you back again

After her doctor told us the surgery and chemotherapy had failed to stop the cancer attacking her colon and liver, she made several requests, which turned out to be last requests. They show her spirituality, and the various forms it took. She asked if we could go for a long ride through the mountains, she asked if she could go to church one Sunday, and she asked to sit on the front porch even though she could barely see over the snow.

Even though her condition progressively got worse, she never gave up hope. We were to fly to Cody, WY to get a second opinion, and we had contacted other doctors as well to see what heroic efforts might still be made. She died on a Sunday – the appointment was for the following Tuesday. Her very last request was made while we were in the hospital for the last time; she just wanted to go home.

Although she attended church often, she was never tied to a particular denomination or religious creed. Her spirituality was her own; she would ask me if I wanted to go to church, but she never ever pressed me.

We were married in a Denver bed & breakfast rather than her church, but we did ask her minister to officiate. As a couple, we only really joined one church; the Community Church of Red Lodge. We enjoyed the minister, David Munson, and became friends with many in the congregation.

Susan asked that David conduct her funeral, and even though it was Easter weekend, he came all the way from Red Lodge, MT to do that for us. He did a wonderful job, and in spite of our best efforts to get him back for Easter services, he missed a flight in Denver and was too late. David never said anything – I only learned of it when I attended services in Red Lodge, and someone in the congregation let me know.

You taught me how to love

What’s it’s of….What’s it’s of

You never said too much,

But still you showed the way

And I knew from watching you

Nobody else could ever know

The part of me that can’t let go

Susan and I had not been together long when our relationship was challenged by an unexpected event – Rafferty was no longer welcome in her Mother’s home, and she came to live with us. She was very troubled in those days, refusing all efforts to help her. With Susan’s help, we were finally able to get her into a school that seemed to work for her. Her high school graduation was a real triumph.

And I would give everything I own

Give up my life my heart my home

I would give everything I own

Just to have you back again

Susan was so good with Rafferty; how good, I did not know until David started asking us all of memories we had of Susan. Rafferty related how alienated she felt coming to live with us, and how Susan went out of her way to take her out and talk to her. It was the first I knew just what an impact Susan had had on her life, and how that eventually contributed to Rafferty graduating from college, and going on to a successful career and marriage.

Is there someone you know,

You’re loving them so

But taking them all for granted?

You may lose them one day,

Someone takes them away,

And they don’t hear the words you long to say

Many of her friends and distant relatives wrote me over the past year – all very heartfelt. I would like to share a couple of snippets from their notes. “She was a true lady.” “Susan was beautiful (even more so on the inside)”. “She was so intelligent yet so humble about her capabilities.” “I was having difficulty dealing with loosing my sweet friend…I decided to plant some flowers that would remind me of Susan.” This one came not long after her funeral, and I think it’s wonderful, ”She always took such good care of herself, except for the M&M’s she liked so much….She was a dynamo in a small package and so easy to love.” I still keep her small jar of M&M’s on a table for her.

And I would give everything I own

Give up my life my heart my home

I would give everything I own

Just to have you back again

Words and music written by David Gates, performed by Bread. David wrote the song upon the death of his father.

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